One of the hardest things we can endure emotionally is a toxic relationship. Often, they don’t start off this way, so it catches us off guard when things begin to unravel and fall apart. The part of us in denial attempts to hang on, hoping things will change, get better or calm down. Recognizing none of these things are going to happen hurts. We think about the time we invested, and can fantasize about the good moments rather than seeing the destructive patterns that have been consistent over time.
One of the biggest hurdles to letting go is realizing that you did not fail. It takes two people to make and break a relationship and sometimes even the best laid plans don’t work out. Even abusive relationships have both an abuser and an enabler; and the longer you stay, the more control and abuse is typically inflicted. Leaving takes courage. The kind of courage that is hard to reach if your self-esteem has plummeted. The kind of courage that allows you to see yourself clearly in the mirror and whisper the words “enough is enough.”
Although difficult and possibly heartbreaking to face, sometimes things just don’t work out, and some people are not meant to be together. If you have done the best you can do, then it may be time to save what’s left of your self-dignity and respect and cut ties. Toxic relationships typically don’t get better, they get worse.
Walking away is hard, but it frees you up to move towards something better. Someone that will reinforce the good in you, allow you to experience more joy than disappointment, and end the cycle of abuse that you’ve been spinning in. Therapy is a good start. Sometimes an outside perspective is what’s needed to shed clarity on areas you need to grow in order to move forward without baggage.
One thing I know for sure, abuse is not love and it never will be. Just for today, find the courage to walk away and don’t look back. Pick yourself up out of the floor, decide that you have had enough and leave.
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